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insaynely_crazy_one
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Interests: I am a Christian. I try to do everything based on what the Bible says. I can't spell. I love to eat, ride my bike, read, eat some more, talk, and play hockey. Almost everybody I know has told me I'm crazy at least once, so watch out!
Expertise: Expertise? I don't really think i'm that good at anything. I can usually get some one confused if i want to, but I don't think that counts. I can speak Ubbi-Dubbi...and....well, there's not much more I can say for myself :)
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/30/2005
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| i love you.
Such a simple phrase. Just three little words. Just one emotion. An emotion as old as time itself. Older than time itself. Three words said across the world in every language. Said without needing language. Said on so many different occasions. Said with truth. Said with sincerity. Said with a built in promise of the days to come.
Three little words. And they hold this world together.
Love. What is love? How can we explain this feeling that comes over you? That empowers you. That takes you outside of yourself and makes another more important.
Love.
It binds. It unites. It strengthens. We need it more than we need the air. Without it life is empty and meaningless.
Without it I am meaningless.
I’ve always said that love is all I need. When I am loved the shadows of life don’t intimidate me. When I am loved nothing can hurt me. When I am loved I am secure.
Safe.
Hidden.
Protected.
When I am loved, I’m not afraid.
We all need love. There is an emptiness inside of us that can’t be filled by anything else. There is a yearning felt by all of us that will not be satisfied with anything else. There is a loneliness that has touched us all, and we can’t defeat it with anything else.
We all need to be loved.
I need to be loved. I can’t make it on my own. I can’t laugh. I can’t sing. I can’t run. Not without love. Without love it’s all pointless.
Whether you know it or not, you need love. And whether or not you are aware of it, you seek love every day. You look for it in friendships. You look for it in romance. You look for it in books and movies. You look for it in any place you think you might find it.
We all do.
And do we find it? Are we filled? Are we ever satisfied?
Of course we are. We dare to open our hearts and if we’re lucky, we find something that will ease our sadness. That will fill the void. That adds life to our existence. And we call it love.
But there’s a problem. A problem nearly as old as the earth itself. And we are all acutely and painfully aware of this problem. It is the problem of being let down. Of daring to step out on that ledge and to love, and allow yourself to be loved in return, and then have that ledge crumble and fall away from under you.
It hurts.
And it’s frightening.
We’ve all had it happen before. Some on deeper levels than others, but we’ve all felt the pain. Over and over again. We’ve been hurt. We’ve learned that when we open ourselves to love, we also open ourselves to pain. And that realization scares us. And so many times our response is to hide. Because opening ourselves is hard, and when we’re hurt through it we want to avoid the problem in the future.
We build walls.
We put on masks.
We find places to hide.
We cower in meaningless existence because we have become afraid. We want to protect ourselves from hurt.
We’ve all done it.
I’ve done it.
I’ve ridden the roller coaster of ups and downs. Joy and pain. I’ve dared to be open and I’ve cowered in fear. I’ve searched for love. Sometimes I find it, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it lasts and sometimes it hurts. Even love that lasts will hurt you at times. And I’ve felt that hurt.
And what have I done with it? I’ve turned away. I’ve hidden. I put distance between me and everyone I know because I don’t feel good enough. Because I’m afraid. Because I’m so scared that no one could really love me. That no one could really care about me. Because I can’t believe that there is anything about me worth being loved. And I’m scared to trust. I’m scared to be open.
I’m scared to fall.
I’ve always been scared.
But tonight a Friend of mine challenged me to make a stand on what I claim to believe. He’s someone who has always loved me. It’s when I’m with him that I’ve found the deepest joy this life has brought me. He’s the one who taught me how to laugh. He’s the reason why I sing. Why I continue to breathe.
He showed me tonight that when I pushed everyone else away, I pushed Him away too. He revealed to me that when I became afraid to open myself to love, that included His love. His perfect love that has never wavered.
I knelt down and told Him I was scared. But He looked me in the eyes and said that I had to trust Him. That everything I’ve based my life on, everything I believe, screams of His love. He said I needed to step out on that shaky ledge and trust Him not to let me fall. Even when so much that I’ve experienced in this world tells me I can’t be loved, even when I’m so confused and there is so much I don’t understand, I need to trust Him. I want to trust Him. I’ve decided to trust Him.
Through His grace, I open myself to love tonight.
1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. | | |
| There's something intimidating about a blank piece of paper. It's white, clean, and unmarked. You hold your pen. You hesitate. A deep breath, and now you're ready. There is something sacred in that very first stroke. A beginning. A beginning like the first step of a long journey. A beginning like the first drop of rain that falls from the sky, heralding the coming of a mighty storm. A beginning, like the first time you hold a new born child asleep in your arms. A beginning. The moment has come. The dam has been breached. And there is no turning back.
You cannot un-begin.
There's something special about beginning. It's a chance, a start. A new opportunity. It's an open door that you've never been through. It's a path where no feet have tread. Beginning leaves behind what you have already finished. Beginning presses onward. Beginning marches forward. Beginning doesn't look back.
Because you cannot walk two roads at once.
There's something hopeful in a beginning. A leaving of the past. A looking to the future. Some people call it, “turning over a new leaf.” I don't know what leaves have to do with it, but I do know that beginning is starting something new. Something with new hopes. With new fears. With new challenges and new triumphs. A new beginning isn't marked with old stains. A new beginning isn't heavy with old pain. A new beginning is new. Like the first time you ever began. A new beginning is fresh, and clean, and hopeful. A new beginning is an independent moment. Free from past, but looking to future.
A new beginning holds hope.
When the icy grip of winter is melted by the warmth of the sun, it's a new beginning. The beginning of spring. When you take each and every breath, it's the beginning of a new moment. When you open your eyes in the morning and the alarm clock tells you it's time to get up, in that moment there is a beginning. A beginning of a new day. A fresh, new start. A blank page. A new leaf, yet to be turned. A gift.
Each new beginning is a gift.
Some of you may wonder where you can get these special things called beginnings. You're tired from constantly pressing on. Your heart is heavy with the built up pain of years upon years. Pain that you just don't know what to do with. You're worn down with life. You're frustrated. Maybe hopeless. Things are so messed up right now and you don't know how to fix it. You just have so many regrets, you wish that you could take things back. You wish that you could try again.
You need a new beginning.
You need hope.
You need release.
You need a fresh start.
You need newness.
You need Jesus.
I spent a long time looking. I was tired. My heart was heavy. I had no hope for the future. I started drawing on my paper but when I looked back, I didn't like what I saw. And when I tried to erase it, it didn't work.
And I was frustrated.
But I have a clean piece of paper now. I couldn't afford one before, but Daddy bought it for me. And He's teaching me to draw. He says that with His help I can make pretty pictures. And I can put stories on my paper too. Good stories. Stories with meaning. Daddy says He'll help me.
And He does.
I still mess up a lot. I draw things wrong and make smudges and misspell words and stuff. But Daddy says that's ok. He says all I have to do is bring Him my messed up paper and show Him and then He'll give me a brand new one. One that doesn't have any mistakes on it at all. He says I don't have to try to fix the old one. I get to start fresh every time.
And we call that forgiveness.
We call that a new beginning.
We call that new hope, with new challenges and new triumphs.
But most of all, we call that love.
And that's what Daddy gives.
1 Peter 4:8 "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins” | | |
| It was a Wednesday night, our weekly fellowship time after small group. They were all just hanging out and talking, as usual. Someone was joking around with someone else, trying to convince them to believe something that wasn't true. They were having fun, just being kids. When the person "fell for it" everybody laughed. Well, almost everybody.
There was one boy that didn't laugh. He knew that his friend hadn't been telling the truth. And he wasn't to ashamed to speak up.
That boy rose to his feet and boldly stated this simple fact, "that was a lie."
All eyes were suddenly upon him. The look on each face was bored and slightly amused at his childishness. "Are you serious?" was the question that each expression begged.
But he just looked at them all. Not backing down in the face of their silent criticism. His steady gaze challenged them and they began to find their defense.
"Oh come on, it was just a joke. It doesn't matter." They all said. "It wasn't really a lie. You're just being picky."
But he wouldn't be persuaded. Once again he spoke, quietly and firmly, "It says in the Bible that lying is wrong."
That's all he said. It was all he needed to say. He had made his point.
My heart glowed with pride as I listened to him. He was so strong. He has always been strong. But I knew that being strong just wasn't enough. He needed to walk with God. He needed to be humble and to obey. His self-sufficient strength troubled me. He stood tall, head up and shoulders back. He was the type who wanted respect. He was the type who got it. But what good is respect? What good is a reputation? I wanted so badly to see a love for his Savior in his life. I wanted to know that he had what really mattered.
And now here he was, boldly proclaiming truth. Saying what everyone else thought was silly and yet he was not ashamed. I smiled and breathed a quiet prayer of thanks. This was what I wanted to see in his life. It was a relatively small stand but I was encouraged by it. Something had broken through his tough exterior. Something had made him willing to expose himself to laughter. And that something was truth.
Years have passed and that night is but a distant memory. I hardly know him anymore. What I do know of him saddens me. He left us so slowly, but so steadily. He made new friends. He got a job. He went to church less and less. He had troubles at home. And he walked away.
My heart breaks for him. My prayers are for him. Father, if you are willing, bring him back someday. Draw him to Yourself. Let him know that he is loved. Give him grace to repent, Lord, and also strength to forgive. Father, please soften his heart and give him a love for You. Help him to know Your peace. Bring him back to that night, Lord, and cause Him to stand upon the Rock. | | |
| if you were here right now i'd talk to you in chipmunk. sometimes it's a better way of communicating. you can say so much more when words don't get in the way. but then again, some people don't understand. so you have to use words. but the closest ppl, the people that will be able to see your heart anyway, the ppl that already know your mind, can see clearly with chipmunk. it's a language of emotions, not of words. and i'm tired of words tonight. | | |
| free, i long to be free. i long for the day that i see and all You say You'll do in me is true. it's hard for me do do, it's hard for me to die to myself and trust my life to someone else so come, empty me out, i'm nothing without You inside of me. come and fill my heart with hope. come and fill my life with love. come and fill my soul with strength to carry on because from here the climb is steep the road is long. come and fill my days with dreams. empty me off all the empty things that i hold on to, come anf ill my heart with You.
SEARCH ME LORD, TRY MY HEART. COME AND TAKE ME NOW AND MAKE ME NEW SO THAT ALL OF THE WORLD WILL SEE YOU. OVERFLOW IN MY LIFE.
You are my oxygen, i breathe you in, i breathe you out. all that i need is you. always forever with You. i feel Your love and I realize that all i ever needed as You, just you. once in a while a dream will come true. a moment in time created by You. things less important start falling away. there's a trugh down inside me and i hear my heart say. ALL THAT I NEED IS YOU> Father, i need you. come and fill my heart with your peace. i thank you for hearing my every prayer and holding my life in your sovereighn hands. You are good to me and even when I walk through hards times, when i can't see the road in front of me and don't know where the path will lead, you are there. i'm not even sure of the next step to take, much less where it leads, but you guide me. help me to trust that you'll guide me. help me to look to You and lean on Your ways and not follow my own understanding. take my yolk from my shoulders and give me yours, for it is easy and the burden is light. i am but a child. help me to trust my Daddy. | | |
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